International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day.

It should be said, first of all, that I have almost no idea what this means. I mean, I can infer that therefore we should CELEBRATE WOMEN! That's cool, I'm totally down with that. I mean, I am fairly awesome. Most of the women I know are. In general, worldwide, women are not always valued in various roles as much as men are. I see this an attempt to elevate them. In a rather meaningless, social-media-holiday sort of way (for the most part) but still, a worthy attempt nonetheless. (I mean, not to diss on social media too much. Obviously, I love it. I just wonder sometimes, what the POINT of everything is? What does it matter if I put a border on my FB profile picture in response to a particular day or the latest tragedy or sporting event or... I don't know. It's fun and all, it just feels meaningless. And all too often things go down political party lines and I'm just NOT HERE for that. Like we need FB picture changes to further divide us.) I'm sure there are plenty of actual in - person events to mark International Women's Day that are very worthy. I just don't know what they are.

Anyway. So. It's another Social Media Holiday! That's okay, it's a Social Media Holiday for a good cause, anyway. One we could theoretically all get behind, regardless of political party, because who doesn't want to celebrate girls?! (I realize in reality it doesn't work out like that, but that's how I think it should be.)

I felt like maybe I should be participating, you know, to elevate my daughter and myself and be a good female-empowered role model and whatnot. I mean, I like the idea of celebrating women, raising them up, making things a little more equal worldwide. Or maybe I just really like an excuse to post pictures of my daughter! Since we were home today, I took a few pictures and then posted a few online. I only tagged one (on my public Insta) as for International Women's Day, because honestly it otherwise seemed like overkill. It didn't get a lot of attention, even though I really liked it- both as a photograph, and the message. (That's pretty standard for my photos. They don't get a lot of attention).  I felt good about that contribution to a Social Media Holiday.

But then I got to thinking... is there also an International Men's Day?

Now before you get all "Black Lives Matter / All Lives Matter" on me, that's actually not what I'm trying to do here. In general I'm fine with the BLM movement; I get that they need the attention on the worth of their lives more than white people do right now, and I don't feel threatened by it. "All Lives Matter" does feel a bit whiney, like seriously, just let them have the spotlight for a bit here. So I don't think International Men's Day needs to be a clapback to International Women's Day. But, I am the mom of a little girl... and two boys. And those two boys might have been born into a world where, as white males, their odds of coming out on top are better than average. But they didn't create that world. And if I raise them right, they'll use their "power" for good, for the betterment of all people, and live in a world where things are more equal.

Shouldn't good men, doing that work, be celebrated too? Can the celebrations just co-exist as both super awesome things without one taking away from the other?!

Just as what it means to be a woman is being slowly redefined and women are seeing themselves as strong, smart, and capable in a variety of new roles, so are men. Men are seeing themselves as more involved caregivers and fathers than ever before. Men are (beginning to) see themselves allowed to be more comfortable in their emotions. Men are treating women with the respect they deserve instead of seeking power over them. The culture of toxic masculinity is slowly giving way to a more real, I would say even stronger, masculinity. I happen to think this should be celebrated as well.

So I googled, "Is there an International Men's Day?"

There is. It's in November! And apparently it's been around since the 1990's! And according to the wikipedia summary, it's about celebrating those very things I just mentioned! (Or at least that's what I got out of it. I'm just waiting for people to come along and ruin it.)

For whatever reason, it isn't much of a Social Media Holiday. Or if it is, it sure wasn't apparent in my newsfeed. Luckily, I can celebrate a day the way that I want, for what it means to me, regardless of what other people might make it out to be. So, if I should manage to remember it the next time it comes around, I'll post a picture of my boys. Because they are good boys, who are learning how to be good men. And that is worth celebrating, too.

In the meantime, here's to International Women's Day! Here's to strong women! May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them!

"I am woman, hear me ROAR!"

On Being Kind

We read Wonder, the novel by R.J. Palacio, out loud to my two oldest kids (second grade and kindergarten boys) these last few weeks. We finished yesterday. In case you've somehow missed it, it's about a boy with severe "craniofacial abnormalities" (so, he apparently has a very unusual appearance) who has never been to school before, but suddenly starts middle school. The novel covers his first year of school and what happens to him there. I thought it was a great book. Maybe not 100% realistic, but believable enough and very good. Not only because my kids appeared to enjoy the story, but because I thought it provided some insight into bullying, being different, and what it means to be human. And we were able to have a few good discussions about it. My kindergartener might be a little young to absorb much from it at this point; on the other hand, he sometimes surprises me with what he picks up on. My oldest I think is starting to understand the complexity of friendships and social interactions more; I think he was able to gain a little perspective.

Anyway, I digress. The point was, I liked the book, thought it was a good read for all of us, and so I thought other families might enjoy it too. So I shared briefly about it on Facebook.

And I got some supportive comments. Some "we liked that book (or movie) too!" comments. Some "Oh yeah we should definitely do that too!" comments. Some passive "likes" or "heart-reactions" that must convey some level of agreement. Some comments from teachers or other educators (I know quite a few) who have read it in their classrooms.

And the vast majority of people who read that status update ignored it. Which is totally fine.  It's not going to be for everyone.

But, and perhaps this was a coincidence... later in the day I started seeing a variety of memes popping up about how we are "raising a generations of wimps" and "bullying will always be around so teach your kids to stand up for themselves instead of being victims" etc etc. One from someone who has, in the past, informed me that I can't expect people to cater to my allergy kid's needs. (Which is annoying on several levels, but mainly because I do NOT expect that, by the way. I just find it unbelievably nice when people voluntarily do. But anyway. We won't hop down this particular rabbit trail today.) I think the thought was that I need to make him "strong" enough to deal with not getting what all the other kids get because the world won't cater to him. (Which is again ridiculous, he definitely already knows that.) Anyway, the message I'm getting here from this person is that kindness (or food allergy accommodation) is seen as "weak".

That is such a bunch of... words I won't write here... that I don't even know where to begin.

Why on Earth would anyone think kindness is the weaker attribute?

I will tell you right now, it takes great personal strength to be kind. I have three children. I can tell you that while they can, naturally, be kind to each other, they can also (quite naturally) be complete and utter jerks to each other. They lack impulse control, and their impulses are often selfish and kind of mean: "I'll take this toy you want," "I'll get more candy than you." (They can also be nice, of course- they often spend some of their birthday money on toys for each other, for instance). To be kind, they've got to override their natural selfishness and see the big picture: that ultimately, life goes more smoothly if your siblings are happy, too. They see this more clearly as they get older, of course.

Adults are this way too. It's one thing to be casually polite to people you interact with; this is common sense and makes your life easier. It's another thing to be deliberately kind to someone who is maybe not being so nice to you. Or isn't being anything to you at all. We rarely put our own selves in uncomfortable situations simply to be kind to someone else. (I mean I'm not saying this never happens- obviously I can think of plenty of exceptions- but I don't think it's the norm.) Most of us aren't mean or bad people- we just don't willingly put ourselves into uncomfortable situations to help someone else, at least not very often. Those who do it more often seem to have found there's often there's a 'feel-good benefit' from being in that 'uncomfortable situation' - being thanked or appreciated for their effort, for instance.

But it does take effort. It takes effort to go out of your way to be nice to someone. It's even harder when they're actively making things hard for you. Being kind to someone in the face of meanness, from others or the person themselves, is one of the hardest things, across ALL ages, for people to do.

And so I have no idea why you would say that teaching kids to be kind (because I do believe you have to actively teach it) makes them weak. A generation of "wimps".

No it doesn't, random internet meme creator. Actually, teaching them to be kind makes them strong. Teaching them to be kind makes them more powerful. Teaching them to be kind is teaching them to make the unselfish choice that might not get them any immediate benefit but will develop their strength of character immensely down the road. Teaching them to be kind gives them a position of power that won't be immediately recognized but will reap all sorts of rewards in the long haul. And who knows? It may also help someone who is otherwise drowning. It may reap more benefits than beyond just themselves and their immediate situation. Kindness can stop a bully. Kindness can empower a person.

This does not mean you have to roll over and take it if someone is being mean to you. But standing up for yourself and being kind to other people are not opposite solutions to the same problem; they are two different solutions that can be applied simultaneously to a problem if needed. Learning how to deal with problems without moving into attacking someone else is a much better way to avoid "raising a generation of wimps" than a bunch of eye-for-an-eye, tit-for-tat scenarios.

I didn't leave any comments for the meme-posters. They don't care what I have to say anyway, and Facebook feels sort of useless / hopeless as a place for actual thoughtful discussion. They've got me pegged as a snowflake, and that's fine with me. Better a snowflake than a jerk, after all. Maybe some day we can engage about this issue in real life. In the meantime, I will keep teaching my kids to be kind. I guess we'll see how it all works out eventually.

Motherhood, Friendship, Faith

My three greatest struggles in my life. Probably the three things that define me the most, as well. Or maybe the three things I define myself with?

For pretty much my entire motherhood journey so far, I have been trying to be a better mom.

Less strict. Less yelly. More savoring of moments. More enjoying the kids, instead of stress over mess and slightly-less-than-ideal behavior.

It's been better at times and worse at times. It's obviously hugely tied to my anxiety and how strong that is at any given time.

I took this picture this morning with my big camera, using the wifi shutter remote on my phone. It looks like a sweet moment and I guess it really was. But it's because she's sick, not because she wanted to cuddle me or because we just sit around like this all the time. I didn't realize she was sick at first, and was frustrated with how clingy she was... until I decided to take pictures and make the best of it.  

It's interesting, because I can't really even figure out what it is that I get anxious about. I do tend to catastrophize over potential illnesses or health conditions, but I've gotten decently good at talking myself down off those ledges over the years. Clutter and mess make me anxious, but at least that I have some control over and I can make my family help with that more and more as they get older. Overall I'd say my house is generally cleaner in the last two years than it has been (on average) at any time at all before, basically because I've got more useful tools that make it quicker, and because of things we've done to the house (aka the Giant Kitchen Remodel, or room reorganizations) that make it more functional. So it's not just the clutter, although we have a long way to go before I'd consider it "clean".  In general, I'd say my kids themselves are good, or at least average-to-good, in terms of their  behavior, in public and at home. Well, maybe not the two-year-old. But she'll get there. Anyway, I feel like they are good kids (who are going to have Tons of Issues as adults from being "overparented" by yours truly).  So I don't think they are really the "problem" here either.

It's possible I'm just very bad at identifying my own issues.

I seem to have issues with friendship, too. It's interesting. As a child, teen and even young adult ( heck probably all the way through college) most of the people I wound up close to eventually told me they had tried to be friends with me for awhile (prior to us actually becoming friends) but that I was not friendly, or did not reciprocate their efforts. It honestly happened enough times that, as a young married woman with no close friends in the immediate area, I tried to be intentional about changing that.

At first it was relatively easy, my husband had some friends from his high school days who were mostly childless and recently married like us, and we all just sort of fell into a group.

Then people started having kids (including us) and since we all lived all over town, and it's harder to get together the more small people you add to the mix, the group just sort of fell apart. It was okay, though. We were all very different people anyways, and it's not like we're not still in touch or don't like to see each other. We just don't hang out in a big group anymore.

But being a young mom, even one who works, left me very desperate to connect with other women, particularly other moms. At first I mostly read blogs. Hung out with a few coworkers (when schedules allowed) who had similarly-aged kids. I like these women a lot. But a lot of the time, I was sort of lonely.

Then my oldest started school and it was SO GREAT. I connected with a few ladies who were in a similar stage of life. One moved away. But one is still here, and she's the best. I've slowly gotten to know other moms whose kids are my kids' friends. I've enjoyed it. But this part is hard. I seem to struggle with figuring out when I'm being friendly and encouraging (the opposite of my former self!) or just pushy and annoying. I mean, it's quite possible that people just don't WANT to be friends with me. Which is cool, I have enough self confidence not to take it personally. But I don't want to bother people if they'd rather keep their distance.

I think my other issue is that I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere. It's hard to make friends in our church because 1) we don't go often enough (It's so hard with little kids. We're up to like 1-2x a month though!) and 2) I hold back. My issues with church are complicated, but basically, I am just waiting for the church to tell me I don't belong there. It's happened too many times since my teenage years for me not to KNOW it's coming. While my faith in God is actually quite strong, I don't really trust the "Christian Machine" (as described by Jenn Hatmaker) not to spit me out the second it realizes that I might occasionally (okay more than occasionally) causally swear, am politically more liberal than conservative, and I don't think gay people are this big abomination that we need to fear and ostracize. So, in order to not go through the pain of being spit out, I just don't dive fully in. Have you seen the movie Saved! ? It has Mandy Moore in it, back when she was young enough to play a high schooler. My "test" as to whether or not another Christian would "get" me, is whether they think that movie is hilarious or offensive. (Hint: I'm camp "Hilarious." With a side of "Also very true."). And I honestly suspect people who find it offensive are so far into the "Christian Machine" that they can't see the reality in that movie. In my life, I meet more Christians who were offended than who love it.

But I can't pretend for my secular friends that I just don't have faith, or that I think babies are literally nothing before they're born, or that I haven't seen evidence of God working in my life, everywhere. I don't think everyone who voted for Trump is a mindless sheeple. (I think most of them struggled with very real issues and made a hard choice. But the ones who actually think he's a great person and a great choice for President- well, let's not go into what I think about them. I don't know very many.) I don't think it's simple-minded to have religious faith (if I see one more Facebook post about magic sky friends I'll probably throw my phone), or that people who believe in smaller governments are automatically racist, classist, selfish, climate-change-denying, gun-toting weirdos. Nor do I think those on the other end of the spectrum are whiny snowflakes who want a handout. Maybe it's just our political climate these days, because even though I don't care what someone else thinks and feel that, most of the time, we should be able to be friends without seeing eye-to-eye on all issues, I'm positive anyone I even slightly start to get to know, will judge the heck out of me. Or that there's no point in trying to be friends, because they won't actually want to be close to me once they know more about me. I realize this makes no sense. It's just how I feel.

So here I am. Praying (really praying, not metaphorically) that I could figure out how to connect with a few more moms I know and admire, hoping I could be a better mother because of their influence. Praying I can figure out how to be a better mom before my kids grow up. Or are scarred for life. Also praying I could find some sort of church home that I was sure wouldn't spit me out, yet also follows the Bible. (Yes, I've heard of Universalist churches and I LOVE the concept for people who want the community without the Bible part. But I like the Bible part. And I know some denominations are better at this than others. But the few we've gone to in our area have had their issues too.)

I hope I find all these things one day. But until then, I'm happy with who I am. Most of the time.

Eclipse 2017

Several months ago, my husband told me there was a total solar eclipse going through the state below us. He thought it'd be neat to see it. Looking at the date, I realized it was a Monday... and the day after we returned from a camping trip (which took us further north, away from the eclipse). We debated what to do. Since we weren't organized enough to have booked a hotel or made a camping reservation several years ago, we knew the only way we were going to see it in totality was if we got up super early and drove down there. Where we lived it was supposedly going to be at 90%. We debated if that extra ten percent was worth it.

We both got the day off of work, but it wasn't until my brother, newly returned from his travels around South and Central America, said he and my parents wanted to come chase it with us, that we committed for sure to giving it a try. In the weeks leading up to it, the news reports were quite dire: traffic would be so intense, it would take days to get in or out of the totality zone, gas stations would run out of gas, there would be no food, no bathrooms, etc.

We decided to go anyway. What can I say, we're great decision makers.

My parents arrived at our house shortly after we got home from our camping trip. We unloaded the car as best we could, then immediately repacked it with water, food, and even an emergency "bathroom" I created out of a Home Depot bucket, a little toilet seat left over from potty training, and a bunch of plastic bags. (Which I thought might be overkill, but it turned out not to be: It did get used by one child). Then we all tried to go to sleep. Of course, that was a night where the toddler suddenly decides to party all evening and my stomach decided to act up. In the end, I'd been asleep about 2.5 hours when the alarm went off at 2am. Fabulous.

We were on the road by 3am, my husband and kids and I in our van and my parents and brother in another car. We made it to the Tri-Cities near the southern border of Washington around 5am. Through all this, my brother was checking his phone repeatedly- all roads were "green" (or no traffic) to our destination. At this point, I started to think we might actually make it. Amusingly, he also kept an eye on the traffic on the west side of the state- much more 'red' over there! (It's a lot more populated).

Sure enough, driving through Eastern Oregon was the easiest thing ever. It was a beautiful drive with the sun rising over the Blue Mountains. My kids slept occasionally and didn't complain much, even the toddler. They're good travelers for how young they are in general, and they were excited about the eclipse. Eventually my stomach settled down. We made it all the way to Baker City, just inside the path of totality, right about 40 minutes before it was supposed to start (and thus quite awhile before totality). We debated whether or not we wanted to keep going- we were already in totality, I didn't want to load my kids up in the car again, and who knows what we'd find if we kept going? Here there was a park- I didn't want to get stuck on the side of the highway. But my brother insisted the roads were clear and we wouldn't get stuck, and that 30 min more of driving would get us more time in totality. So we went for it.

We made it to Durkee, OR, which is such a tiny town I'm really not sure it even has a stop sign. I saw literally two roads. We went on the one along the train tracks. There were 2-3 other groups nearby: another family, and some college-age girls who said they were from Portland, and a few others scattered up and down the road. It was a perfect sunny day and HOT even though it was mid morning. We set up our camp and some games for the kids (we had a bean bag toss in our car from camping), sunscreen up, busted out our glasses, and started watching as the moon slowly inched its way across the sun.

The sunscreen is kind of a sad story, actually. So, one problem is that mid to late morning is my daughter's nap time, so she wasn't in the greatest mood. Plus, on our way out to the camping trip I thought I'd forgotten the sunscreen. We were stopping to pick something up from a sporting goods store anyway so my husband grabbed some. All they had was the "typical" chemical based sunscreens. I don't typically use those on my kids because they give my oldest eczema and I don't like keeping track of different sunscreens for different family members. It wound up being the only one in my purse for our Eclipse Adventure, too. I guess I'm not used to using them anymore and I assume I used way too much or something, but somehow it got into my daughter's eyes and she was crying and crying about it, saying, "Eyes! Owie eyes, Mama!" and sobbing. She's too little to appreciate the eclipse anyway, but I hadn't expected to have such a sad kiddo on my hands. It was a little warm out there, so I sat with her in the car (which had shade) and that seemed to help. Still, I had a sad girl clinging to me most of the time we were there.

When I got out of the car (I'd been sneaking looks at the eclipse through the sunroof) I noticed it was much cooler out. I think it was about 50% at that time. Interestingly, the light had barely dropped at all.

In fact, other than the temp dropping, we noticed very little change in light until around 90%, and even then, it was more like "a cloud going over the sun" than anything else. Even at 99%, right before it went, it was still what I would call "daylight", it just seemed "cloudy."

And then totality. Totality was WOW. First of all, it was so sudden! It was like someone turned off the lights. A few birds went flying off, the temp dropped even more, and the sky went a deep blue (not quite black) and we could see stars. Yet, all around us at the very edge of the horizon, you could see a glimmer of light, like a sunrise. And then the sun! It looked so BIG. Everyone's seen the pictures but it's hard to get perspective to understand how big it was in the sky. Picture a big full  moon, except that part was black instead of white. And all around it was the sun's rays, reaching out towards us in lines like the points on a star. It was amazing. I've never seen anything like it. We had two minutes (and a few seconds) in totality.

What was especially cool to me was how cool everyone else thought it was. People nearby were cheering and clapping, and my family was all exclaiming over it. We were all exhilarated by the time it was over. My grumpy sad daughter, who spent the whole time clinging to me and snuggled in, occasionally sniffing about her eyes, looked up at briefly, so at least she can say she's seen it, even if she'll never remember, hahaha! None of us had ever seen an eclipse in totality before and my dad and my husband (and my oldest son actually) are kind of "space nerds" so they were especially excited. It turned out to be kind of a big family-bonding experience and my dad said several times how cool it was to experience it with all of us. I felt the same way. Totally worth the lack of sleep and the drive.

The drive home wasn't as awesome as the drive down. It actually took nearly twice as long. Some of that was from bad decision making- trying to get around the traffic we encountered and winding up on some crazy detours- and some of that was just heavier than normal volumes, and some of it was because there were random lanes closed for construction (not that we noted any actual construction happening, mind you), including over the bridge across the river into Washington! COME ON, Oregon DOT. Give me a break. You can't tell me you didn't know this was coming... time your construction projects a little differently, please!

Anyway, including a few stops, it took us 6 hours to get down there, and 9 hours to get home.  I had to warn the kids to be quiet a few times, otherwise, they did great.

Totally worth it.

Here are some pictures. I decided not to photograph the eclipse itself. To photograph anything not in totality, you need a special filter, which was apparently going to cost me $100 (no thanks). You can photograph without a filter in totality (and look directly at the eclipse without the glasses in totality as well!) but I'd have needed my tripod / shutter remote etc all set up. Which I could have done, but I wasn't even sure when we left that we'd made it to totality, I wanted to actually enjoy the experience and not be so focused on capturing it, and if I had the lens / tripod / etc set up for capturing totality I couldn't taken pictures of all of us during the partial stages. Plus let's face it I'm not going to get the pictures the pros did, even if they would have been cool. So I opted to just take pictures and document our experience. My husband did get a quick shot with his GoPro that does not in any way reflect the awesomeness of how the sun / moon looked during totality, but does give a sense of the darkness.

Without further ado...

His comment was, "The sun looks like Pac-Man!" Kid has a point... 

Our spot. 

Checking out the view from the train tracks!

The boys were thrilled with the train tracks actually. They had to pretend to be trains for a bit. 

Me: "Hey guys look at the sun so I can take a picture, will you?"
Dave and Greg: "Hey let's all point in different directions!" LOL! 

Dave's totality pic from the GoPro

We're already making plans for the next eclipse in seven years. We're thinking a big family gathering in Mazatlan doesn't sound too bad!

Photo Challenges

I was added to a photography group on Facebook that I'm really enjoying. Apparently, there are 100 days between Memorial Day and Labor Day, and the purpose of this group is to take a picture and post it during that time. I'm doing a daily photo challenge anyway, so I thought this would be fun. The group facilitator posts a prompt / challenge that we are supposed to try and complete at least once during the week. I thought I'd share my first month of "challenge" shots here- and some background info, like how I took them and why I chose them.

Week One: Harsh Light

Harsh Light (in direct sunlight) is not a photographer's favorite but there is a lot of it in the summer and you miss a lot of good opportunities if you don't know how to use it. Here is the one I chose for the challenge:

Exposed correctly for his face, hair slightly blown out but I like that effect so it's okay, nailed the bubbles. I just made sure the overexposed parts are not really visible in the frame! :) 

Week Two: The Decisive Moment

I'd never really heard of it before the challenge, but apparently the idea is not to just take 549836745986754-billion pictures and then choose the best moment from them, but instead, just watch and wait, clicking the shutter at the exact moment in time that tells the story you want to tell, not a moment too late or too soon.

I watched him run through a few times and then took this one on the first snap. Not bad! That face, though. :)  

Week Three: Get in the frame

This concept has gained some popularity in the social media world lately, and the idea is for moms to get more pictures of themselves (especially with their kids)- exactly how they are. Not waiting to be perfectly made up or photo-ready, since we usually aren't. Our kids don't care how we look but will want pictures of us one day. And, much to my dismay, selfies don't count, the idea is to go for real pictures. I agree with the concept that I'd like more pictures of me with the kids but struggle with the idea of not making myself photo-ready. 

So I used B&W, which hides a multitude of flaws, lol!  I used a stack of books and the timer feature on my camera for this, because my remote batteries were dead and I was too lazy to go find the tripod (very real life, lol). On the first day of summer- when we could finally sleep in- that there baby got me up way too early, so I decided to capture the moment. In my pajamas. In the interests of total honesty, I will admit the only staging of myself that I did was to put on a bra. Because seriously. LOL. However: no makeup, no hair done. 

Week Four: 1/50 SS (or lower)

The idea here is to use a slow shutter speed, something those of taking pictures of kids usually avoid because with fast-moving tiny people, a slow shutter speed usually = blur. But, blur can have its uses in telling a story so the idea is to get comfortable using it.

I knew as soon as I read the challenge that I wanted to use it to try panning. I tried this years ago for a photo challenge I did with some friends and it really didn't work. I think I tried it a few times, actually. It really didn't work for any of them. Panning, in case you don't know, is when you track your subject and move your camera along with it, so the subject stays in focus but the background blurs with an element of movement (not nice creamy swirly bokeh, but streaky blur). Think pictures of professional bike races, or something.

So, because I knew it'd be hard for me, I decided I needed a wider range than usual for "distances in focus", so I put the aperture up as high as I could go. I needed to do this anyway because I was shooting in daylight and of course, to get the panning effect and meet the requirements of the challenge, I had to use a shutter speed lower than 1/50. (I wound up having to use 1/30 to create the balance I wanted).  The advantage to the high aperture was that a greater range of distances from the camera would be in focus, important because I wanted my subjects moving, but I knew I wasn't going to move. (Apparently some people pan by moving alongside their subjects- I can't figure this out- unless they are on wheels, it seems like it would be bumpy and create blur that way. And if you're on wheels, WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING THROUGH THE CAMERA! YOU ARE GOING TO CRASH, OMG, TBI.)  Anyway. I had the boys race back and forth in front of me in a straight line so they didn't vary in distance too much, although obviously some. But I think the higher aperture helped compensate for that.

So then I picked a spot in a park I liked, and had them get to it! I'm actually super happy with the result...

Owen's a touch blurrier than I'd like but Toby is pretty sharp (at least his head is, lol) and hey, it just adds to the story! Pretty dappled summer afternoon light through the trees, a few clovers, and brothers racing... Perfect! 

Editing Magic

So with my 365 Project and now, this daily summer challenge, I have had the opportunity to learn a lot about photography... and a lot about editing. There have not yet been a lot of editing-specific challenges, but a lot of people have posted images that are amazing and something I have not yet figured out how to do with my camera. Thankfully, they are very nice about answering questions and so I have learned a few tricks. 

I'm not going to lie, for quite some time I've considered editing to be sort of... cheating. Ish. I mean not exactly, but to me, if it's POSSIBLE to get it right SOOC (straight out of the camera) then you should. Plus I feel like it takes more skill to actually learn to use your camera instead of relying on post-processing (editing). I shot in manual mode for three years before I got an editing program (lightroom). I have had it for two and a half years since and have barely touched its capabilities, yet it definitely improved my photos. Now I've come around a bit on editing and my thought is this: you should first get really good at using your camera, then really good at editing. Mastery of both (not just using one to compensate for the other) will result in truly amazing photos. So, I'm working on my editing skills! 

One skill I've been trying to develop lately is fixing funny exposures or tricky lighting situations. For instance, this shot... 

SOOC. If I exposure correctly for the shadowed part of the face, the other half of the face (plus the beautiful background) will be blown out. So I exposed for the background / a cross between the two sides of the face- just enough to keep the shadowed side from getting too dark and the light side from getting so blown out the data is gone. 

First a did a few things to get the photo in general to look the way I wanted: vignetting,  decrease the exposure a bit until the lighter side of the face looked good, play with contrast, etc. Then, I used a brush tool on the shadowed side of the face and hit "invert mask" so I could change just that. I lightened it a few steps and liked it pretty well actually! 

Just for fun, I lightened it a lot more. I wasn't sure what I would get. You can get a halo effect around your subject or an obvious circle if you're not careful. If I were going to go back and edit more, I might make another pass with a new brush over the dark spot in the middle of his forehead and see if I can't get that toned down. But, that aside, I think I actually like this. Yes, one side of the face is still slightly shaded- but that's how it was- and I feel like this is closer to what your eyes actually see in these types of harsh light situations. Might be overkill though. I can't decide.

I did a similar thing in this picture, although it was actually easier because I didn't have to be as specific. For this one, I turned the aperture up as high as it would go so all the reflections on the water would be sparkly! I feel like this also kept the background looking decent, but maybe that was just the exposure triangle. Anyway, everyone turned out a little darker than I wanted but it was okay because I could see the background more (and it's so pretty you want to see it!) and I was pretty sure I had caught Toby in the air (but it was honestly so dark on my camera screen I could barely tell). Post processing made me LOVE this one...

SOOC. I really like the moment, water sparkles, and framing. I also like the sun flare. That sun flare turned out useful in editing... 

As I decreased the exposure and increased the contrast in post processing, the flare stood out more, which I liked. It also gave me some leeway when I went to lighten Toby because he's in the flare so it helps distract a bit from any halo I might have created when lightening him. I lightened every single face in this picture. For the most part it wasn't enough to be able to see much detail (there really wasn't enough data for me to do that anyway), but at least you have a better sense for the moment. The only thing I don't love is that I totally created a halo around the kiddo on the blue floaty... but I'm convinced it's not horrible unless pointed out. (But you can see it now, right? On the sides of the pool it's most apparent).
I suppose it still has quite a few technical flaws (boy I'd love a wider angle lens...) but this is exactly how it looked in my memory, and it was great night, and so I love it. 

Most of the time, editing is not so complex. A few clicks and I'm good. For instance, this picture of my friend's baby is decently well exposed (I do like to err on the side of slightly underexposed when taking the picture because I hate when it's overexposed and you lose data and then you can't fix it in editing...) and pretty cute on it's own... 

This baby did not want to smile at me and I knew her mom was wanting a smiley pic of her for a one-year-old picture to put on their wall. So I did a little cropping... 

... and some contrast and saturation changes and upped the exposure and I honestly forget what else, probably vignetting because I do love me some vignetting... OH and I edited that scratch off her forehead because nobody wants a scratch picture on a wall portrait, "real life" or not! 

The thing of it is, I'm still barely even touching what LR is capable of doing. I need to understand more about tones and that whole hue - saturation - luminance sliders under the HSL menu and... yeah.  Apparently you can buy filters for LR. That's kinda cool. I think eventually, I'm going to take a class! 

In the meantime I'll settle for practicing. That's what all these photo challenges are for, after all... practice... 

Starting With a Rant

It seems a little odd to open my blog with a rant about something. But since I've been blogging for so long, it seems silly to start off with some sort of contrived "about me". You either already know me, or... you don't. And if you don't, I'm sorry! I'm not this grumpy all the time, I swear. I just use blogging for therapy and this has been on my nerves lately. It took me longer than anticipated to get this space up and running and so this has been building...

Let's talk about MLMs. Multi level marketing companies. Sometimes known as "Pyramid Schemes" (although they aren't all working under that model) or "Direct Sales." You know.  The modern day Tupperware party. Your friend gets "in" to something... diet drinks (oh, I'm sorry, "Health Drinks"), stick-on nails, makeup, essential oils, cleaning products, leggings... etc etc... and the next thing you know they are their own "small business" and your social media (and direct contact, if you're particularly unlucky) is drowning in the near-constant pushing of their product. Or worse, you start getting to know someone (or reconnect with someone) and are excited about the possibility of a new friend / connection... only to realize their actual interest in you is primarily based around selling you stuff.

On one hand, I GET IT. As a mom, all I can think is that I need to find a way to work from home. Especially when my kids are sick. (I've blogged about this before). And that's coming from someone who has a decent paying career (and medical benefits) in a job I truly enjoy. But once you have a family, it gets tricky, and so I get why half my Facebook friends are hawking stuff, from oils to makeup to pink drinks to cleaning products to leggings to nails to I DON'T EVEN FREAKING KNOW, COULD YOU JUST UPDATE ME ON YOUR LIFE WHICH I AM ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, AND NOT YOUR EFFING EYELASHES / PINK DRINK / BUTTER LEGS.

I understand the need. I just have a few (eight) problems with the whole concept of the MLM. In reverse order of annoyingness:

1) I highly doubt many of them are making THAT much money for it, if they actually did the math on ALL the costs they incur, plus what they miss out on by not having healthcare benefits and 401k options, etc. I mean,  a few of them probably really are doing decently well. I have a few friends who are doing great, so it would seem. But the majority... not so much. Social Media saturates the market really quickly on these things, so there's a good chance by the time you've heard about the product, so have 10 other people in your social circle. Which brings me to point number two...

2)  I literally have FOUR friends trying to sell Younique, FIVE hawking various brands of essential oils, three selling Norwex, two selling Rodan and Fields, three selling Plexus (I hate Plexus most of all right now), etc etc. The number of people selling the same stuff has allowed me a crystal-clear window into the different companies' marketing practices, which I have to say, are kind of sketchy and are probably my most disliked thing about "direct sales" companies to date, which leads me right into point number three...

3) I'm honestly starting to wonder if some of these people think I am dumb. Or that all their potential customers are dumb. I literally saw a Rodan and Fields post about the amazing tanning cream that had it done on one leg and not on the other. The leg that was supposedly tanned with their stuff was clearly IN THE SHADE. The other leg was clearly IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT. You could SEE THE SHADOW LINE between their legs. I mean really. At first I was willing to write it off as one person's really bad idea, but then another person popped up with the same thing... just a different pair of legs. Are. You. Kidding. ME?! So, clearly, the company is in some way suggesting or promoting such stellar sales pitches to their members. At the best, the "before' shot is always in terrible light with a low quality camera, and the after is always them at their best. I've literally never seen a technically sound comparison in these before / afters.

4) And then there's downright sketchy or over-exaggerated claims that can't be verified- or are turning out to be downright lies when they are verified. The biggest offender that I can see in the first category is Plexus. Plexus is making my eyes roll so hard I can practically see my brain on a regular basis. They claim to be an "all natural" "clinically proven" source of prebiotics, probiotics, energy, etc and are loosely a diet / health concoction, yet ultimately these products are powdered who-knows-what that (the company won't say). (Never mind that there is NO research done on this whatsoever outside of the company itself- and it was recently the focus of multiple lawsuits, including one about false claims of naturalness, to which the end result was them having to revamp their product to remove a ton of the unnamed, unknown crap in it. Unclear if that's actually happened yet or not.) They are all about their freaking pink drink. Now I will say, I agree with some of their marketing in theory in that gut health is super important... but if you want an all natural, actually clinically proven source of nutrition, energy, and probiotics... make yourself a smoothie and put some plain greek yogurt in it. You can buy some nice probiotics online if the yogurt strains aren't enough for you! I literally make a smoothie for my entire family every morning and here is the recipe in its entirety: banana, avocado, almond butter, plain greek yogurt, spinach, raw local honey, frozen fruit (usually a berry blend) and water. I'm pretty sure its cheaper than Plexus and we all feel pretty good starting our day that way! Bonus: it's also pink.

5) Essential Oil companies have some skeletons in their closet, too. Now, a quick positive: clearly they don't encourage nearly as annoying business practices from their salespeople as some of the other companies, because of the multitudes of people I know selling either Young Living or DoTerra, literally only one has been annoying about it (and hey, I unfriended them, so no harm done). But still. In talking with a local essential oil "expert" at a local natural grocery, I learned quite a bit, easily verified online. Not the least of which is that essential oils have been around for-EVAH, and long before Young Living and DoTerra showed up. They didn't invent this stuff, they just claim to do it better- based mostly of their so-called "purity" and not using any "synthetics". Both Young Living and DoTerra claim to have exceptionally high "purity standards" in an industry that is entirely unregulated on such things- meaning they are not regulated, either. So far as I can tell, that is their justification for their sky-high prices (which are really my only problem with the company). Unfortunately, there's quite a few stories out there indicating they don't even meet their own so-called "purity standards". A quick google search can find tons of sources on that. Short version for those who don't want to click: Their products included synthetics in independent lab tests. Oops. 

6) I have a pet peeve when someone joins an MLM company and then calls it a "small business." It's one of those 'letter of the law but not the spirit of the law' things. I guess it's technically a small business, but I think there should be another name to differentiate it from the primary definition of a small business... you know, the kind you start yourself and absorb all costs from the ground up (and do your own freaking marketing)... not buy a kit from a company, whether or not your kit comes with a "business license." Maybe it could be a called a "Direct Sales Business". An at-home business? Just don't try and equate it to my friends who actually started their own successful small businesses. IT'S NOT THE SAME.

7) I'm also highly bothered that their primary clientele are their friends and they post GUILT TRIPS about how should be supporting them being home with their babies, and blah blah blah. One Facebook spam post actually tried to say you should buy their MLM makeup instead of that from a makeup counter because you would be "supporting a small business owner and her family" instead of "Sephora." WHAT. THE. CRAP. Is the girl at the Sephora makeup counter not worthy of support as well? Maybe she has a family to feed and just wanted a job, with, you know, actual healthcare benefits. How is buying from my guilt-trippin' friends and thereby supporting the Corporate Younique company any  different than buying from the Sephora counter and supporting Corporate Sephora? Guilt as a sales tactic is another huge turnoff to me. Also- while I have amazing friends whom I love, I don't recall any of them financially supporting me through my graduate schooling in order to have the career I have now. And I would not have wanted them to! (Actually, I suppose a few may have bought me food when we went out when I was too poor for such things...). So... why is my financial support required for their career? Why do I have to be guilted into buying stuff I don't want in order to "support a friend"? Which leads me to...

8) My "Grand Finale of Annoyingness"... my  most disliked thing about MLMs... and, for sure, the inspiration for this post.... is the whole concept that people selling it MAKE MONEY OFF THEIR FRIENDS. By either directly selling to them, or having them host parties, or whatever. Dude. That's just so... tacky. I mean, people are really cool with taking their friends' money? (Casual acquaintances, sure. I realize most people have a lot of casual-contacts on their Facebook feed.) If I had my own business (and I can now say I hope to have my own photography side business one day) I would do everything I could to HELP MY CLOSE FRIENDS with my business... not make money off them. I currently have doled out all sorts of speech therapy advice, at no charge, to people I know well (and people I barely know), because they ask me "Is this NORMAL?" in regards to something about their kids' development (I seriously get these requests from people often).  I am happy to do this. I am so glad something I know can help someone.  When I had a close family member who needed a service that I was literally the best and most qualified therapist in our community to provide, I did it on my own time out of love. If I do one day get my photography business up and running, you can bet any pictures I take of close friends and family are either free or they are paying me in chai tea lattes and cookies. Perhaps this will make me a terrible business owner. So be it. That's why I have a career already.

So now that you've read all that, I'm sure you will be Facebook Unfriending me, stat, especially if you are in the "direct sales" industry. I can't really blame you, I'd be pretty ticked at me if I read all that too. Before you go, you should know that half the reason I am so annoyed about it is due to the excessiveness of the posts I see. That isn't any one person's fault, you all can't help the market is fully saturated for these sorts of products. I know that. I know I could just unfollow you and be done with it, and I've had to do that a few times, but if I haven't done that to you yet, it's because I probably actually do like you and am interested to see updates from you: your kids, your family, your school, your pets. YOU. Not your skin care and your makeup and your leggings. (Even if they do feel like buttah.)

The solution, in my mind, is simple, and I beg all direct sales people to consider it: start a social media page for your business. Share WHATEVER YOU WANT THERE. Sketchy marketing? Hey, if that's how you want to run your business, you do you- why put that stuff on your personal page and risk tarnishing your relationships with people? It's hard for me to be interested in forming / maintaining relationships with people who would try to pull tricks like the one-leg-in-the-shade tanning cream ruse. Maybe just save that stuff for the people who are interested enough in the product to be willing to look past it? By all means, share your business page on your personal page every once and awhile (more than once a month is unnecessary, truly). Those who are interested can follow your business page, or stalk if they prefer anonymity. You'll know what the interest level is among your friends by how many likes you get. (And let that be a guideline to how much you want to keep sharing, lol). Keep the business and the personal separate-ish. Your friends appreciate it. Even the ones who are supporting you. Trust me on this.

And please, notice that- with the exception of Plexus- I don't really have anything negative to say about the MLM products themselves. You know what? I genuinely like Norwex products even if I'm not impressed with the company's pricing-up to encourage parties (but for pete's sake, buy the E-cloth mop, it's the exact same thing and so much cheaper!). I often use DoTerra essential oils- I like their blends. The idea of non toxic nails is at least mildly interesting to me (the designs are certainly cute) and I'm sure the leggings really do feel like butter- I do love me some comfy pants. The products are not the problem, most of the time. I just really, strongly disagree with a few huge components of the MLM business model (selling to friends) and sketchy marketing tactics (guilt, spam, false / exaggerated claims).  And if I like the product, and want it, then HECK YEAH I will buy them from my friends! Of course I will. This rant may not show it, but I actually do care about, and want to be supportive of, my friends.  I try to be as generous as I can be with my money. I also share their information with anyone else I encounter who expresses interest.

I'm just really sick of the constant guilt trips, and spam. Add a dose of sketchy corporate behavior and a pinch of questionable marketing strategies, and it's all bit much for me. And I don't think I'm alone in this mindset.